No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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