I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
