i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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