My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
