never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
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