You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Randomize
