Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Two words: blizzard sex
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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