whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize