So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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