we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
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