Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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