she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Randomize
