I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
