my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
