My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Randomize