My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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