I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
It's not a walk of shame if you run
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize
