Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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