That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
