Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
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