I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Randomize