Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
