Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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