I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
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