Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize