Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize