There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
