Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Randomize
