why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
That accounts for only three of the penises
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
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