We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
