Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
