Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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