I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Randomize
