Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
