I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Sober January is a disaster.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
Randomize
