i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Randomize
