I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
