I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Randomize
