yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
My dick has a subreddit
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
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