Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
You dont lie about slip and slides
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
