"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
