The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Randomize
