sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
