Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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