Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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