What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
