I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Randomize
