i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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