She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize