she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
