Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Randomize
