Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Randomize
