he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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