One girl and one boy is just not enough.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
