It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Randomize
