After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
