It's like God shit irony all over that family
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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