i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
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