do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
It's blow job season.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
