That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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