What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Randomize
