kristin has been a bad kristin
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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